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Your “I Have To” Mindset Is Hurting Your Customer's Experience

Writer's picture: Amber ReynoldsAmber Reynolds

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You’ve probably been brought up to believe a lot of things that boil down to, “If you want to X, you have to Y.”


  • If you want to achieve anything, you have to work hard.

  • If you want to go anywhere, you have to go to college.

  • You have to look, be, and act professional for people to take you seriously.


And those voices we hear growing up, become the little voice in our head.


  • I haven’t succeeded because I didn’t work hard enough.

  • I haven’t gotten anywhere because I didn’t go to college.

  • I’m not someone people will respect or listen to.


These oversimplistic things we’ve all been taught has warped our perception of what it takes to succeed. They lack nuance and context. It’s killed creativity, curiosity, and play while also creating an intense fear of failure.


It’s created the ‘I have to…” mindset and it’s killing your customer experience.


WHY IT MATTERS:

Your ability to deliver customer experiences that your customers are dying to do again mean being curious, open to experimenting (which means failing until you get it right), and to creatively solve problems.


Moving from a “I have to…” to a “What could it look like if…” mindset is the foundation of amazing customer experiences.


WHAT’S NEXT:

  • The missing context & nuance

  • Turn your wonderfully weird into value

  • It’s okay to not be “professional”

  • You DON’T have to…

  • The key to making it work

  • Give yourself permission


The Missing Context & Nuance

The honest and self-aware people who have made it big will all tell you that yes, they worked hard. They’ll also tell you that:


  • They had advantages that others didn’t

  • They just happened to be in the right place at the right time

  • They happen to meet or work with one person who made the difference

  • That they failed more times than they can count before this one thing panned out


While being good at what you do and working hard are prerequisites (to a degree), those alone do not equal success. There’s a high degree of luck and other out-of-your-control factors.


Just because Successful Suzie Q responds 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, does not mean doing that same thing will make you successful.


Turn Your Wonderfully Weird Into Value

When you have people tell you that you have to do some specific thing in order for customers to want to work with you, that may be true for some customers. It may even be true for most customers.


But not all. For some customers, they may not care or even hate the thing that someone is telling you is a must. Those outlier customers are likely a better fit for your business.


So whatever is really important to you and helps you stay energized in your business, don’t worry about changing. Instead, look for a way to flip it into something valuable that the right customers will love and pay more for.


It’s okay to not be “professional”

I think a lot of us are worried about being seen as unprofessional, incapable, or some other “not up to par” word.


Being “professional” has somehow become a way to say, “acceptable to society’s standards in a business context.” In reality, it just means you do a specific job (hopefully well) and get paid for it.


What’s considered professional is almost cultural. What one person considers professional wouldn’t make another person’s top 10 list of what they’d consider professional.


So don’t be afraid of being called unprofessional. Unless you’re doing a shitty job, then that’s worth worrying about. But if it’s because you don’t have sunshine and rainbows streaming from your mouth every time you open it, it’s okay not to be professional.


You DON’T have to…

The old saying, “there’s more than one way to skin a cat”, while disgusting, is apt in business. There are a million ways to run a successful business. So don’t get locked into too narrow of a concept of what it takes to be successful.


In fact, you may find that the thing you wish you didn’t have to do may be the thing that customers love you for.


Here are a few things you might think you have to do, but really don’t.


Keep standard hours

If you’re a night owl and do your best work between 8p-1a, there’s a parliament of night owl customers who would be ecstatic for that availability.


Dress a certain way

If you want to do your work in one of those T-Rex inflatable costumes - do your thang. There are plenty of customers who either wouldn’t care, find it entertaining, or would appreciate the lack of judgment they’d feel from you.


In fact, if you do that, please let me know. That sounds like fun.


Someone in an inflatable T. Rex costume rolling across a cafeteria in a rolly office chair.


Keep a “professional” office space

If you’re 40 and your office looks like Lisa Frank and a goth chick did an interior design collab, hell, yes.

An office that looks like Lisa Frank and a goth chick did an interior design collaboration.
As an elder Millennial, I fully support this vision.

The right customers will think you’re amazing, be jealous of your office space, and want to work with you.


If you need a place that works for you and helps you do your best work, lean into it.



Offer specific communication channels

If you avoid phone calls like Hexxus is going to come through the speaker if you pick up, then good news - skip the calls.


There’s an entire generation of people who would rather eat a bag of War Heads than deal with phone calls. You’ll have plenty of customers.




Behave a certain way

While I may be the stereotypical bubbly customer service type person that most people think of, I promise you not everyone likes it. Despite me knowing all of the “right” ways to behave or communicate, the typical customer experience isn’t what everyone wants.


So if you’re not the typical bubbly, happy-go-lucky type person, or maybe you’re extroverted and have been told you’re too loud you’re whole life, just be you.


Of course, there are skills that everyone needs to work on, like communicating clearly, effective listening skills, and that sort of thing - but don’t turn down who you are to make other people more comfortable.


Even if you do, you still won’t make everyone happy, and now you’re just exhausted from faking it all day.


Showing up on time

Most customers will absolutely expect service providers to show up on time. I won’t argue that.


For those who truly struggle with this, and it creates an immense amount of anxiety, there are people who won’t care or will care less if you’re great in other areas that they deem more important.


The key to making it work

There’s one thing that makes the difference between massive failure and major success when you operate differently than what’s expected:


Setting expectations.


Believe it or not, most customers are reasonable people. They get upset when expectations aren’t set or aren’t met. If you can set the expectation that you operate differently, they’ll be more flexible than you might expect.


Give yourself permission

This isn’t some business version of, “If they don’t accept me at my worst, they don’t deserve me at my best,” bullshit where you can do whatever you want and get paid well for it.


You do need to provide a good service and take care of your customers. The how is where you have a ton of wiggle room. The how depends on how you operate best and who you want to work with.


So yes - continue to work on important skills and bend on the things that aren’t important to you if they help you reach a goal that’s more important to you than not bending.


But things that put an unacceptable amount of stress on you and hinder your ability to perform your service well - give yourself permission to let that go. Set the expectation on how it does work for you and you may even find a way to flip it into something that’s valuable and helps you create better customer experiences.


THE TAKEAWAY

Attempting to do all of the things you’ve been told you “have” to do is hurting your ability to provide an experience that your customers love and that you enjoy delivering. There’s very little you “have” to do - Set proper expectations and find the right customers and you’ll find that you have a lot of wiggle room in how you deliver your services.

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